Yikes.
So this whole year I've been calling my students "my kids". I never really thought about what I was saying. And then last night, as I clicked the "Submit" button on my grad school application, and suddenly moving to New York became that much more realistic, I was hit with a wave of sadness. I couldn't figure out why, until I rewound the day in my mind and thought back to the fundraiser I had just participated in with the Latin Club. I loved it. I loved seeing them show up, so excited to start. I loved how they actually brought their togas and wore them on the side of the road. I loved how they yelled and screamed and waved posters at passers-by. And I just loved spending time with them outside of the classroom. As the night progressed, I became more and more anxious about next year. Housing, dog, money... and leaving my students.
Today I was relating this to a parent I've become friends with in our school office. She told me that I couldn't let my attachment to them hold me back, because they're going to grow up and no longer be my students and then graduate and then move on just like I need to. Just like kids move away from their parents. When she said that I realised that all this time I've been calling them "my kids" and not thinking about why. Now I know. Because she's right... somehow, at the age of 22, I have an attachment to these young teenagers, not unlike a parent has to their children. Certainly not as extreme...not even close. But not unlike. And she's also right that they're going to move on. Forget about me and Latin in a few years. That too makes me sad... but she's right. I can't let them hold me back, especially since this is probably the only time in my life that I can do something like this.
But let it be said, despite how stressed I get, despite how angry I get, despite how many times I've said "I can't wait to get out of here".... I love it. My job. My students. Especially my students.
P.S. "Diligere est Vivere": To love is to live.
(I chose "diligere" rather than "amare" for a reason. "Amare" is the basic word for "love". "Diligere" is a combination of two Latin words which literally means "to choose from". That is, a love that sets the person above all others. It has always been my favorite. And when you have that, you can get through the day.)
